Last night, i noticed that your eyes soften everything, even the light that falls around them, and the faces falling into them, and the walls they fall against.
From a distance, your eyes were softer than your hands
And your hands are soft like oceans
you have washed over me like ocean
and now i’m worn away.

Last night, i stood away from you on the worn carpet night, the air between us weary from years of love songs and forgetting. you danced to it, and i stood in it, in remembrance of things:

First time we met, our eyes met over breaths of confessions, making memories of loves we didn’t want anymore.

Sometimes i don’t want to love at all anymore. i wanted to tell you that last night, but i don’t like to speak in anymore’s.
and last night, i didn’t think we’d speak much anymore.

Now i don’t know.

i remembered we used to speak of things we knew would never happen. but i’d forget they’d never happen. i used to think someday we’d really lie somewhere alone together. i thought we'd lose eachother in each other.

Sometimes i even thought we did.

Last night i lost you in songs that grew the air still wearier. i grew weary in the break of rhythms that brought sweat to our silhouettes, and brought me hope. i danced until i wasn’t too worn down to dance, anymore. i danced until i forgot, in the faces lacing through the stubborn air, the loneliness i thought i’d been worn into.

Last night, i came home and dreamt i wasn’t lonely anymore.
i dreamt when we met, you were dying quickly, so i loved you fully, and it softened you. it softened us both. you died in a short breadth of time. and in that time i loved you more than things i knew would never happen, (for things never have the time to happen.) when you walked away, i was worn away, but only into sadness that stayed
the color of eyes i'd never see anymore. i loved you but wasn't lonely anymore, when i missed you.

Last night, when we were dancing, i missed you. the music was new and taut. it caught us when we jumped into it, and taught me we are dying. even in ways never see, for your eyes even lost some softness when the lights were turned back on. your hands weren't as lovely without music trapped inside their pockets.

time broke that music into rhythms that said softly into hard warm air
we’ll soon lose everything but love.

Last night, as my dream ended, i was afraid to walk up to you, walking away from me. i was afraid to touch you because maybe i would lose something. a little bit of softness, or a little bit of fullness. maybe i’d get worn down into someone you could wear down more. Maybe I’d get worn down into nothing.

Last night, as the party ended, i was afraid to walk up to you, walking towards me. i was afraid to touch you, afraid to hug you goodbye. because maybe i would lose you, or lose myself in you, forget my hands in your hands, have my eyes sink into your’s.

or maybe I would love you, and let go.

Labels: By Ana